I've got a blog.

Hey, I've got a blog! Sorry I've neglected you, blog. I feel somehow that with the millions of people using web pages very much like you every day, what I have to say and write may seem irrelevant. Perhaps no one finds me as interesting as I do (although I find this very hard to believe!). Certainly, my universe does not revolve around me to the extent of the universes of other "bloggers". I don't want you to be lost in the morass of mundane musings about what someone had for lunch or where they spent their summer vacation. Worse yet, what if you became obscured by page after page of self-important soliloquy by silly self-styled philosophers of the world? That would not be good for your personal sense of worth, blog.

No, I'd hate for that to happen. But I feel like I should take you out of your quiet, lonely corner of the internet every now and then and give you a virtual walk in the cyberworld. Besides, I've got some projects in the works and I think you'd be a great partner in announcing them. SO, if we can get you the "Kardashian on the cover of Enquirer" level of attention you deserve, I think we can have some fun.

Comments welcome. Come on, blog craves the attention. Let him know you're reading.

Halloween

Do you suppose strippers get angry because all of the good outfits are sold out around Halloween? I mean, if that's how a woman wants to dress-up, that's her business and it's okay by me. But, you know, I just can't quite pinpoint when ladies' Halloween costuming took this provocative turn. It used to be that you'd see one or two girls in the classic "little devil" get-up with the horns and tail or something like that or the "bad cop" (always a crowd favorite with the handcuffs and all of the double entendre opportunities it provides), usually around college bars or someplace similar. Now it seems like almost ALL of the ladies' costumes are designed to try to "out sex" each other. And it's not just high school and college girls either; it's women of all ages, shapes, and sizes. I try not to think too deeply on any subject these days, but this could either be seen as an empowering thing, women of all types displaying their confidence and sexuality; or it could be seen as a statement on the modern female psyche that she thinks she has to put her body on display to get attention. The entire allure of costuming for some is the shedding of ego and pretending to be someone or something else for a night. There's a certain type of freedom when someone can divorce themselves from the idea of being secretary, mom, retail cashier, lawyer, or whatever the case may be and explore a new character. And sometimes it's just fun to get a rise out of people from showing some skin and that's all there is to it. If it's a natural extension of that person and they don't feel forced or pressured to "sex it up" I say go right ahead. Women just need to remember not to push it too far, because the costume goes away on Monday and the office could be a real awkward place to be after someone posts the incriminating photos on facebook (or one of those "other" sites depending on how far it went!). Remember: these days EVERYONE has a camera in their phone and you're never more than three second away from being photographed with or without your knowledge (and knowledge is power. PLUS, knowing is half the battle!)

I do find some of these costumes a bit odd, though. It is my belief, and I think most would agree, that not EVERY character, idea, or archetype should have a "sexy" counterpart. It seems like costume designers do not share this belief. Case in point; the other day I saw a women wearing a skimpy costume designed to represent Raphael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Never mind that Raphael is a male character, but who in their right mind looks at a ninja turtle and says, "you know, that'd make a hot Halloween costume"? I was a kid when the Turtles first appeared. This is like the perversion of some childhood memory. Now I can't even look at a ninja turtle the same way again! It's just confusing and it's wrong!

And on another note, I am entirely grateful that, for the most part, MEN have NOT taken on this new Halloween tradition. Call this a double standard if you will, but I hold firm on this stance. Men are empowered enough, their egos do not need the extra boost, and it would usually yield the exact opposite reaction one would typically be looking for from the opposite sex. So have fun in the Darth Vader costume, guys. Hey, I hear the Stay Puft Marshmellow man is a big hit this year! Or just be a zombie; it's what most people do best five days a week and twice on weekends, anyway.

You're a geek? Oh, really?

There's a somewhat disturbing by-product I am noticing in the trend towards the mainstreaming or popularization of what has been deemed "geek culture". Suddenly it's cool for people, especially young women, to dub themselves "geeks". It seems like every would-be starlet in Hollywood is ticking off names of obscure comics and animation during interviews in hopes of garnering support from desperate male fandom, who will then in turn flood the internet to lobby for her appearance in some crappy tinseltown rendition of the source material in question. Never mind that the girl never knew a thing about any of this stuff until some agent plugged the names into her head ten minutes prior (I'm looking at you, Megan Fox. You and that cable running from your skull to the agents laptop he's using to feed you answers during interviews, you android!)* It's cool for women to dub themselves "geek girls" now!

Hey, let's look at the original definition here for a moment:


"geek: -noun ;a carnival performer who performs sensationally morbid or disgusting acts, as biting off the head of a live chicken."

Next time you hear some girl refer to herself as a geek because she thinks it's cool, pull out a chicken and ask her for proof.

Of course, there is also the origin of the word.

"[C19: probably variant of Scottish geck, meaning fool, from Middle Low German geck ]"
(source:Collins English Dictionary - Complete & Unabridged 10th Edition
2009 © William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd.)

So, maybe there's some bit of accuracy to that, after all.

I don't know why this is bothering me enough to write about it this morning; perhaps because I'd like to see people embrace individuality a little instead of swaying whichever way the pop culture breeze takes them no matter how silly it gets. It's fake, it proves how easily so many people can be led around and manipulated by media, and it's just annoying to people who actually follow this stuff.


* I feel like I should add one of these " ;) lol j/k" deals here, since I'm noticing a decided lack of ability in many people these days to understand satire, irony, or anything that requires analytical thought. So no, I do not in fact believe Megan Fox is an actual android....she just has all of the acting ability of a robot.

Mitch Hedberg

This week marks the five year anniversary of the passing of comedic genius Mitch Hedberg. It's hard to imagine that it's been five years already. Mitch died on March 29, 2005 but it wasn't announced publicly until April 1. My first thought was that it was a classic Hedberg thing to do to die and have it announced on April 1st so no one would believe it was true. I've always been a fan of the stand-up comic/social commentators like Bill Hicks and George Carlin, but something about Mitch's style and quirky delivery put him right up there with the heavier thinkers. No matter how much time passes I will continue to make obscure references to ducks eating for free at Subway and will continue to implore those "do not disturb" signs on hotel doorknobs to embrace the contraction. People will, of course, continue to be confused and/or annoyed by these remarks, but that has never stopped me before and it will not do so in the future.

Happy Casimir Pulaski Day!

It's March 1st and I have missed posting anything at all in the month of February. I know it's March 1st because I woke up to the joys of Casimir Pulaski day! Anyone who is not a resident of the lovely state of Illinois may not be aware of Casimir Pulaski day. The key points to know is that Pulaski was a polish Revolutionary war hero for the United States, Chicago has a large polish community, and a Chicago democrat in the late 70s REALLY wanted to be reelected so he got Casimir Pulaski day recognized as an official state holiday. Kids love it because it's a day off of school. Teachers and other state employees love it for the same reason. Most adults who need to conduct any business with the state at all or who know that their tax dollars are going for all of the holiday pay today while the state budget is a mess and the state doesn't pay most of it's bills anyway, are not so amused.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casimir_Pulaski_Day

email, i-phones, and NASA

I would really blog more often if I could readily remember my password on a regular basis. I've been doing this online thing for thirteen years now (I was blogging before I ever heard the term) and I've collected so many passwords and combinations of passwords that it gets confusing. I should probably write them all down. I don't really know why I have to be so clever; I'm not sure who would want to hack my humble blogs, message boards accounts, or other assorted nonsense, nor for what purpose. I guess if just makes me feel more important, like someone would go to the trouble. I'm really only outsmarting myself. Of course, a twleve year old with the right computer and ten minutes of free time could get in if he really wanted, so what's the point?

That's the beauty of how far we've come on this front over the past decade-plus. Everything about the internet and personal computers used to seem so new and complicated, now we've got a full generation that grew up on the things. Remember dial-up? Walking away to get something to eat, start the laundry, and do your taxes while you tried to get a page to load? Now we get antsy if youtube won't load in three seconds or less (while we've got three other tabs open at the same time). Friends from across the world are no more than a IM away, we allow people into our homes via web cams and if some guy makes a spectacle of himself on American Idol it's all over the internet within minutes of broadcast (pants on the ground?). A recent study showed that a good portion of kids don't use email because they said it was "old fashioned". What the hell do they think about the fossils who still send letters ("snail mail", to us)?

All of this progress, and we're still supposed to believe NASA hasn't flown a manned moon mission since the 60s. Really, in 15 years we've gone from mobile phones that were bigger than a brick and needed their own personal tower to make or receive a call to cell phones with video, internet, cameras, games, and a cappuccino maker that fit into the palm of my hand. Yet NASA has spent trillions of dollars somewhere in the last 50 years and they tell us that those old rockets that were navigated via computers that took up a large building and were about as sophisticated as a good model rocket is now were the best we ever got? Not buying it, and neither does anyone with a brain. Why the deception? Maybe the people who are already on the moon didn't want us there.

Parts of this blog are more serious than others. If you're reding this that means you're smart enough to decide for yourself.

Leave my leaves where I left them! And the rake, too!

As we have entered the day of "tough economic times" I have gotten used to people trolling my neighborhood asking to do odd jobs. Every time I let my lawn grow an inch too high I get a steady stream of people knocking at my door asking if they can mow until I get tired of answering them and do it myself. I had one guy offer to trim the branches on my tree as I, myself, was trimming the branches on my tree. That one kind of confused me. But this past week I had one that may have topped that, even. A guy knocked on my door and asked if he could rake the leaves in my yard. Never mind the fact that there was already a pile of leaves in the front yard, indicating the fact that the job had already been started. There was also a rake on my front porch, which he had picked up when he knocked on the door. This guy was trying to get me to pay him to use MY rake to rake the leaves that had already been partially raked with said rake. Then he almost took the damn rake when he left! For people like this I really feel like I should just keep a bottle of Wild Irish Rose next to my front door, hand it to them, and cut out the middle man. Maybe Thunderbird. Do they still sell Thunderbird? How about NightTrain?

This may not even be an issue if not for the fact that perfectly capable human beings have gotten into the habit of actually paying to have work done that they themselves could just as easily accomplish, barring extreme laziness. I work in a field where I help people who cannot help themselves with many of life's daily tasks. These people want nothing more than to be able to do those things themselves. Meanwhile, perfectly mentally and physically capable people in this world just want "someone to do it for them" or "someone to take care of them". I cannot reconcile that in my head any more than I can figure out why someone would assume I would need someone to use my rake to rake my yard, which had already been partially raked. Hey, sometimes I even feel guilty about letting a waitress bring me a drink in a resteraunt. "Hey, just point me in the right direction and I'll get it myself". Come to think of it, that'd cut down on the tip, too. And, in these "tough economic times" we all need to do what we can to save a little cash, right? Even doing "menial tasks" like mowing lawns and raking leaves ourselves, if you're into that sort of thing.

I just kind of like to leave most of the leaves laying about the yard. Why do you think they call them "leaves"? Let the wind carry them away. In fact, the neighbor really likes to rake, I say give him a little extra work. Brighten his day a little. But what about that partial pile of leaves that I mentioned at the beginning, you ask? That was just there for the requisite "children playing in the pile of leaves" photo op that parents feel the need to have every year. And that, as they say, is the rest of the story.